That kid isn’t yours
Your Kids Don’t Belong to You (and That’s Probably a Good Thing)
Let’s start with a hard truth, parents: your kids are not your property. I know, I know—after 36 hours of labor, 8,000 diapers, and one wildly regrettable family trip to Disney World, that may be hard to hear. But hang in there. Let’s unpack this idea with a little humor, a pinch of science, and a lot of caffeine.
“But I Made Them!”
Yes, you did participate in their creation. But so did a cheeseburger participate in the creation of a dad bod—it doesn’t mean it owns it.
The truth is, kids are not mini-you's. They’re not your second chance to become a ballerina or a dentist. They're not NFTs you can show off at dinner parties (“This one is really rare—he’s allergic to Wi-Fi!”). They are actual people, and as annoying as that is, actual people have autonomy. Even the tiny ones who can't figure out how to open a juice box.
Experts Agree: You're a Steward, Not an Owner
Harvard psychologist Robert Kegan introduced the concept of "holding environments," which is basically a fancy way of saying your job as a parent is to create a safe space where a kid can grow into who they’re meant to be—not who you think would look best on your holiday card.
Similarly, child psychologist Dr. Shefali Tsabary, author of The Conscious Parent, reminds us that “children are not ours to possess or own in any way.” They’re just "with us" for a while—like international exchange students who never do the dishes and keep asking for money.
It Takes a Village... and That’s Annoying, Too
The idea that kids belong to parents alone is kind of a modern myth. In most of human history, raising children was a team sport. Grandparents, neighbors, wild goats—it was a group effort. Sociologist Bronisław Malinowski (say that three times fast) studied societies where kids were raised communally, and guess what? Nobody lost their mind trying to work full-time and do Pinterest-level birthday parties.
So maybe your toddler having six “aunties” who aren't related to you is just evolution doing its thing.
Ownership is a Trap (and Kids Are Terrible Investments Anyway)
If you did technically “own” your child, the ROI would be atrocious. You put in hundreds of thousands of dollars, years of unpaid labor, and in return you get back-talk, mystery slime, and the privilege of explaining for the 14th time why pants are not optional in Target.
If you were hoping for gratitude, remember: this is a demographic that thinks giving you a rock they found in the backyard is a meaningful gift. They are not sophisticated shareholders.
The Real Job: Letting Go, Slowly
Parenting is a long, slow breakup. You start as their whole world. Then they want you to drop them off a block away from school. Then they steal your car and drive to Coachella. Eventually, they visit once a year and complain about your Wi-Fi speed.
But here’s the kicker: that’s the goal. That means you did it right. The whole job is to help them not need you anymore. Which is weird, because the whole reason you bought that matching Christmas pajama set was to stay emotionally co-dependent until the grave.
You’re Not the Owner. You’re the Launchpad.
So next time your kid tells you they want to be a professional cloud photographer or an astronaut DJ, resist the urge to mold them into a respectable CPA. Your job is not to sculpt them—it’s to support them, guide them, and keep them from eating marbles until their frontal lobe finishes baking (around age 25… or 43, depending on the Wi-Fi situation).
Final Thought:
Parenting is not ownership. It’s the longest temp job you’ll ever love. You’re not the CEO of your kid—you’re more like their life coach, chauffeur, unpaid chef, and part-time therapist. And if that sounds unfair, don’t worry: one day they’llhave kids and finally understand.
And then you’ll belong to their kids. The circle of life.